I thought of my brother and his wife when I read this corny saying this morning. Those two were like peanut butter and jelly, bacon and eggs, SpongeBob and Patrick, two peas in a pod…well, you get what I’m trying to say – one cannot exist in this world without the other! Even their birthdays are positioned right next to one another on the calendar. Jake turned 33 yesterday and Emily turned 27 as of this morning and of course, neither my brother nor his wife would let each other’s birthday go quietly. As a birthday surprise, Emily made reservations at Bazaar at the SLS hotel for Sunday night (Jake’s actual birthday) so they could dine on a crazy 22-course dinner.

What both parties didn’t know was that Jake planned an almost identical birthday surprise that started a night earlier and included an overnight at the SLS hotel and a leisurely afternoon tea on Sunday. Even their freakin’ surprises for one another went hand in hand. Scary! Tonight would be a family dinner to celebrate Emily’s birthday, but yesterday and the night before were anything but a party for me!

Before Jake whisked Emily off to their fun overnight, right after our softball lunch at their house, he charged the four of us – me, Max, Laney, and Donovan – with keeping the kids happy till their mother returned to them the next day.

Why Donovan was asked to help was beyond me. It’s not as if he knew how to care for these kids. Being their godfather and sending expensive gifts, did not a caretaker make! This weekend was an eye-opener for me and right now, I was taking my time, enjoying my coffee, rejoicing that I didn’t have to walk across the street and face those munchkins. I was not ready to have kids any time soon.

It all started Saturday after the game, and after work. Donovan and I had to go into work – yes, we lawyers work on Saturdays (and generally Sundays, too) after that fun game, lunch and a little pool time. We got called in for a few hours so we carpooled and decided to make it a productive two hours. When we arrived from work, Laney had the kids fed and was in the process of getting their baths ready in the farmhouse sink.

“Hey,” she greeted the both of us with a calm smile.

“Hey, how’s it going?” I asked.

Donovan just gave her a pat on the back hello and went to greet each kid.

“Hello big boy, beautiful girl! Did you enjoy your spaghetti dinner?” He asked, while wiping off their mouths with a baby wipe. “It sure looks like the ground enjoyed it.” He proceeded to carefully pick up James and he held him far away from that YSL suit that looked oh so delicious on him. I think this man carried a secret closet in his car, since we never stopped by his house to get him changed. He went from baseball uniform, to bathing suit, to a dashing suit. I guess he believed Bee’s motto – It’s all about how you look. And he looked good – always!

Laney took James and proceeded to strip him of his Bolognese-laden clothes, and put him in his seat and quickly handed him a bath toy. Ellie got the exact same treatment. While Donovan went upstairs with his overnight bag and changed out of his work clothes, I didn’t know whether I, too, should go home and change before getting my hands dirty. It didn’t seem the right thing to do – leave Laney by herself with the two kids, but being this overdressed to take care of two kids didn’t seem too smart either.

Laney read my thoughts. “You can go and change, Jane. Don’t worry about us. We’ll be alright.”

Well, now that I got the boss’ okay….

“Hello,” I crooned over the phone to my boyfriend while walking to my home. “When are you coming back?”

“Hello my beauty! You missing me or my helpful hands?”

“I always miss you and your helpful hands.” I flirted back. He was always so playful, when he wasn’t upset with me. “But, I think I will really miss you and your hands if you don’t get over to Jake’s soon to help with the kids.”

“I may not make it there at all now. I may have to join a study session tonight. I’ve been fooling around with you too much these days. I’m behind on all my studies.”

“Max…” I whined. “You have to come over! How about if you come over tonight, I’ll help you get rid of all your tension – and thus, you will be able to study even better come next week.”

“Can I hold you to this promise?” I could tell he was smiling on the other end.

“You betcha! See you soon?”

“As soon as I can, my precious gem.”

Donovan and I strolled back into the kitchen around the same time, and felt a pang of guilt when we saw that Laney had already washed both kids and was taking Ellie out of the bath chair and putting her Hello Kitty bathrobe on her little body. My gorgeous niece was walking around with a Hello Kitty-eared hoodie over a mop of curls as she tried, unsuccessfully, to put on her matching Hello Kitty bath slippers. I helped her put on the soft fleece slippers that were pink and blue with silver polka dots everywhere with a small Hello Kitty plush doll face planted between her two toes. She looked so adorable, I took a picture and sent it to her parents.

“You look so cute!” I exclaimed and kissed her face.

Freakishly, this girl replied, “Det tyu,” which I think meant, “Thank you.” She had quite a knack for the English language. I’m sure one day, I’ll be wishing she didn’t talk so much, but for now, Donovan and I looked like proud parents as he picked up his goddaughter and threw her up in the air. That made the Hello Kitty slippers fly to both corners of the kitchen. While we were making a fuss about how darling Ellie was in her outfit, Laney had put a matching Sanrio bathrobe on James. He was dressed as Kerokerokerropi with matching slippers that fit over his feet nice and snug. He, too, looked gorgeous!

“I’ll take James,” I said and took him off Laney’s hands. James started whimpering and called out “Ne Ne,” which kinda pissed me off that he learned to say Laney’s name before my name. Before she could take him back, I told Donovan to follow me, and we marched the kids upstairs so we could put them in their pajamas.

We laid them both down on their changing tables, and Ellie was as happy as a clam, but James started crying. I did my best to calm him down because I didn’t want my nephew favoring a distant cousin to his aunt. I pulled out the toys that were next to the changing table and did a song and dance, but had absolutely no luck.

“I don’t think he likes you much, Auntie Jane,” Donovan teased. “Why don’t you call Auntie Laney?”

“She’s not his aunt. I’m his only aunt,” I growled at Donovan while attempting to get a diaper under James’ soft bottom.

I was doing okay with the diaper but the hollering got worse, and I heard Laney’s footsteps along the hallway. Shit! I can do this. I do not need anyone’s help. Just when I thought everything was in the clear, I felt a gush of water on my chin and neck, and I let out a louder than necessary yelp!

“What the hell?” I hollered, which in turn led to a chain of events I’m horrified to relive!

Before I closed James’ diaper, he peed on me.
I yelled.
James got frightened.
He rolled himself off the changing table to get away from me.
James proceed to fall, head first, onto the hardwood floor.

I don’t know where Laney came from, but she caught him right as he was about to hit his head on the ground. She got to him literally centimeters before I would have been in deep shit with my brother.

At this point all hell broke loose. James hollered for dear life, Ellie hollered because her brother hollered, Donovan hollered at me for “dropping the baby,” and I hollered back defending myself, trying to convince everyone that I did not “drop the baby!”

In the melee, Laney had quietly rounded up both kids, was sitting on the oversized rocking chair and had begun reading them a book. Both babies let out tearful hiccups here and there, but were soon calmed down.

“Ellie, you want me to read you a book?” Her godfather asked.

“NO!” She answered with conviction.

I was afraid to ask, but didn’t want to lose out to my cousin so I started to say, “James…” and that’s when both kids started crying again. Hell! I gave up and left the room.

“Don’t think you’ll be having kids anytime soon,” Donovan cracked up and put his arm around me to console me.

“No, I guess not,” I answered with anger. “I’m not the girl you want to marry if you need a mother for your kids. Go talk to Laney, instead.”

“I think I prefer a woman to a little girl, when I decide I need to procreate.” How does this man make everything look and sound so freakin’ delicious?

“Shut up!” was my only lame answer to him as I elbowed him away from me.

In the course of reheating the Bolognese sauce for our dinner, Max came over and I recounted the entire saga to him. Rather than consoling me and making sure I wasn’t in too much shock from the events of the night, Max scolded the both of us and said, “And you let Laney put both kids to bed by herself?”

He marched right up to the kids’ room and we walked in on three angel-looking Reids sitting on the rocking chair, asleep. Laney had both kids protectively cradled in each arm.

“Laney,” Max whispered, and gently put a hand on her shoulder. “Let me take James from you and I’ll put him down.”

When she looked up at my boyfriend with those big blue eyes, she really looked not much different than a child herself. She, too, had those cherub cheeks like the twins and that doe-eyed innocent look.

“Take Ellie. I’ll hold on to James a bit longer. I don’t think he’ll part from me just yet.”

Max did just that and gingerly transferred Ellie to her twin-size bed that my parents bought for each grandchild as a birthday gift. He then very slowly and carefully took a whimpering James from Laney’s arms and rocked him a bit till he calmed down, and eventually put him in his own bed as well. Finally! The kids were down.

“Have you had dinner?” Seeing Max with Laney made me think that he would have made a great older brother – so opposite of my own!

“I haven’t eaten yet, have you? Emily made spaghetti sauce before she left. If you want, I can heat it up for you.” Laney answered.

“Why don’t you sit and I’ll heat it up for us. You’re probably tired after taking care of both kids all afternoon. It’s a good thing those kids go to bed so early.”

“Today, I have to agree. I don’t know how Emily does it every day. She’s pretty incredible.”

“That she is.” My boyfriend agreed.

This love fest between Laney, Max and Emily was nauseating me. So, I cut into their conversation. “Who’s staying here tonight?”

Before anyone could answer, Josh was at the back door.

“Hey, Bro’. What brings you by?”

“Laney brings me by. What other reason would I have for being here? It definitely isn’t to babysit.”

“Well, you should’ve come earlier if you really wanted to help your friend. She had a rough night.”

“What were the rest of you doing, not helping Laney?”

“It’s all fine Josh,” Laney said. “How are you? You went and got your passport in order?”

“Yeah!” My cute little “brother” smiled wide. “We’re gonna have so much fun together in Europe!”

“Why would you guys be in Europe together?” Big brother Donovan asked.

“Laney is moving there for a year and I’m going to go paint out there for a year.”

“What’s the matter with this graduating class? Don’t you believe in getting a job after college, or going to graduate or professional school? You young people are too dependent upon your parents. You need work experience. You need to live in reality.”
I nodded my head and concurred with every one of Donovan’s words. “I agree!” I exclaimed.

Josh and Laney stopped talking for a brief moment, stared at us, checked each other out, shrugged their shoulders, then continued with their conversation as though neither Donovan nor I had said a peep.

Max laughed and joined in their conversation. “You need help with anything before you leave, Laney?”

She hesitated. “I think I’m okay, Max. Thank you for asking,” was all she said before asking Josh, “When will you leave and where will you go first?”

“I’m leaving in June and I think I’ll start in London and make that my base. You think your grandparents will let me live with you in the flat?”

Laney kept quiet. We could tell that wasn’t her cup of tea.

But, Josh kept pushing. “Jane, can I ask your Gram for permission to room with Laney?”

Before big brother Donovan could bark at Josh, I answered, “You can ask Gram yourself.” I was all for those two becoming roommates!

We all decided to make an early night of it, and I was up and ready to leave. I figured Max and I would come back in the morning, and it wouldn’t matter whether or not Donovan chose to come back since Max was around.

“Can we leave?” I don’t know why I had to ask Laney for permission, but I did. “Max and I’ll be back early in the morning to help you?”

“Sure,” Laney agreed.

“Babe, I don’t feel comfortable leaving Laney here by herself with the babies. Maybe I should stay here with her.”

Say what??? I don’t think so!!! “We’ll be right across the street. Jake never said which one of us had to stay here.”

“Why don’t I stay for a while, then I’ll leave when Laney is ready to sleep.” Max kept insisting. This big brother bit was going too far. Max could tell I wasn’t happy.

“How about I stay with Laney?” Josh suggested with a squirrely smile. He was such a cutie!

“Out of the question,” Donovan said.

Max concurred. “No. If something were to happen, I don’t know that you’d be much help.”

“Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence.” Josh complained, Max chuckled.

“I don’t need any of you here. Thank you, Max, but I have my stuff here already and I’m happy to stay with the kids by myself. I’ll go to sleep as soon as you guys leave so you don’t need to worry about me.”

“I’d feel much better if you let me hang out a bit longer.”

“Well, suit yourselves,” I exclaimed and headed to the back door. “I’ll see you bright and early in the morning.” I waved goodbye to the three men and started out the door.

“I’ll see you in a bit,” Max whispered.

“Don’t count on it,” I whispered back.

Believe or not, that earned me a quick, but wet kiss. I was blushing by the time Max let go of me.

Fast forward to today, Monday, early evening, Jake’s backyard for Emily’s birthday dinner. I walked in with a beautiful gift in hand, ready to greet my sister.

“…next thing you know, James pees on Jane’s face, she screams like a little girl, and he rolls off his changing table trying to get away from her…” Everyone gasped as they heard Donovan, that rat, tell an exaggerated version of what happened the other night. My brother is glaring at me even though he’s told that nothing happened to his beloved one-year-old.

“That’s the last time I put the care of my kids in your hands,” was the thanks I got for playing tirelessly with both kids on Sunday to try and make up for the near accident. I lost count of how many times I stacked both sets of nesting blocks so Ellie and James could karate chop / karate kick them down. I even gave them their first lollipop, which did not make Laney happy, but those twins sure were happy.

“Ellie, you want to play with Auntie Jane?” I asked the little girl who was draped over my boyfriend.

“NO!” was the emphatic answer that greeted my question. If that wasn’t enough, she said a few more times, “NO! NO! NO!”

Obviously, this motherhood stuff wasn’t for the weak-hearted, and obviously it wasn’t for me…at least not yet!

Here’s another look into the world of UA.  Have you figure out the hero and heroine, yet?  All I can say is, they are major players in MJ’s blog, and you will be surprised to find that they will be different than what you know of them, so far.  Keep in mind, MJ’s story is from Jane’s perspective – and we know how (im)partial Jane’s perspective can be towards her friends and family.  Not everything is as it seems, and many other storylines are taking place while Jane is living her own world.  I think I’ve said too much for now.  Enjoy.

http://www.dwcee.com/books/unlikely-attraction-work-in-progress/

“I bought us four tickets to see the opera, Cinderella, and we have a dinner reservation at the brasserie next door.”

“That sounds utterly dreadful. Why don’t we do something that’ll allow those two to talk?”

“Shit! Why didn’t you say something sooner? These tickets cost me a fortune.”

“Have Josh reimburse you. We’re doing this for his sake.” My boyfriend was so not helpful in this matchmaking situation.

“I can’t ask him to pay me back. That’s so cheesy.”

By this point, I’d lost Max to his textbook. I searched the internet for something fun to do and found nothing interesting.

“Hey Emily. I have a quandary.” Against my boyfriend’s will, I forced him off my bed and over to Emily’s house, so we could see if she had any bright ideas.

“What’s the quagmire?” She laughed at her own lame witticism.

I explained what I’d done and she didn’t appear overjoyed with any of my choices. “I don’t think Laney likes Josh in that way. Why encourage him? He’ll be mightily disappointed when she leaves.”

“But she hasn’t gotten to know him. She may grow to like him if she gives him a chance.” Max chuckled at Emily’s doubtful look.

“How about if your brother and I take those tickets off your hands, or…you can invite us to go with you instead of Laney and Josh. You know how much I like opera.” She gave me a wink, which I found utterly disturbing. Emily had more of a coquettish side than I imagined. I supposed she had many charms, not made aware to the likes of me.

“Just give Emily the tickets. I don’t want to go see an opera. Emily would have to drag me to those things because I would protest so much. There were many promises made, which went unfulfilled, back when we were dating, Ms. Logan.”

Emily only laughed at my boyfriend. “There were no promises made – only threats if you didn’t go with me.”

“I remember a time when you said we would…”

“Alrighty…!” I cut off the walk down the yellow brick road. “This isn’t about you two in the past. It’s about Laney and Josh in the future.”

“A dead future,” Emily tried to whisper, but we all heard loud and clear.

The door opened and in walked Jake. “Hello, Beloved. How was your day?” He gave her a sickeningly sweet kiss and somehow held her around her massive waist. “Kids down?”

“Oh yes. They were especially active today, so they were asleep even before Mr. Blue Fish appeared in the book.”

“I’m going to go see the kids and change.”

“Okay. I’ll have dinner ready.”

“What are you guys doing here?” He finally noticed us. “Stick around, I’ll be back in a few minutes.”  After a pat on the back for Max and a squeeze on the shoulder for me, Jake went off to adore his sleeping kids.

“What got the kids so tired today?” Max asked.

“I took the kids to the park, and there was a little league t-ball game going on and the twins were mesmerized. After the game ended and the field cleared, James started running the bases and Ellie followed. I lost count of the number of time they ran around the field. Once we got home, they practically fell asleep during their bath, and they hardly ate dinner. They were knocked out by the time I reached the top of the steps.”

“That must have been exhausting for you.”

“Yeah, it wasn’t easy giving sleepy children a bath.”

As those two droned on about daily minutiae, I had the most brilliant idea! I took out my phone and started an email.

To: Jake Reid, Nick Reid, Doug Reid, Delaney Reid, Samantha Reid, Robert Reid, Henry Reid, Roland Ascot, Max Davis, Garret Davis, Josh Davis, Donovan Taylor, Becky Fritz, Al Fritz,
Cc: Emily Reid, Sandra Reid, Barbara Reid, Estelle Reid Ascot
From: Jane Reid
Subject: Reids vs. The Others, Baseball Game!

You all up for a baseball game this weekend? It’ll be us Reids against the world! Dust off your old cleats, buy some new baseball pants and let’s play ball. Reply all so we know how the team will be formed. The Others – you need a few more players.

Sent! What a fantastic idea this was. We’d use my parents’ backyard as the baseball field and there was no chance The Others could beat us. We Reids all played baseball and softball.

Soon a flurry of email exchanges began.

To: Jane Reid, et al
Cc: Bee Taylor
From: Donovan Taylor
Subject: Baseball

You do know I’m an excellent baller? Game on! I’ve included my cousin Bee (yes, yes, Jane. I know she’s technically my aunt – whatever…) in this email chain. She’s in as we

To: Jane Reid, et al
From: Roland Ascot
Subject: Who am I?

Am I a Reid or an Other?

To: Roland Ascot, et al
From: Jane Reid
Subject: Don’t be silly

Of course you are a REID! You are with us, Gimpy!

To: Jane Reid, et al
From: Max Davis
Subject: Why are we emailing when we are sitting next to one another?

My beautiful Gem, what’s the winning prize? Also, we are still 2 players short.

To: Max Davis, et al
From: Jane Reid
Subject: Prize

Loser buys dinner?

To: Jane Reid, et al
From: Josh Davis
Subject: Have you no imagination?

Seriously? Loser buys dinner? That’s all you can come up with? How about loser is at the mercy of the winners’ whim? We shall come up with some form of punishment for you losers. Ha ha ha! I say with an evil laugh.

To: Josh Davis, et al
From: Nick Reid
Subject: Talking trash

Get ready to eat shit. See you this weekend.

To: Jane Reid, et al
From: Delaney Reid
Subject: I am out of town this weekend

Sorry but I can’t play. Have a great time.

To: Delaney Reid, et al
From: Donovan Taylor
Subject: What do you mean you are out of town?

Where are you going and with whom? You can’t miss this event.

To: Donovan Taylor, et al
From: Delaney Reid
Subject: I can do whatever I please

None of your business. Really none of your business! You are not the boss of me.

To: Delaney Reid, et al
From: Roland Ascot
Subject: Stop with the emails

Your Gram is about to kick me out of this bed because my phone keeps pinging. I’ve had 60 years of sleeping without Estelle. Go argue at Jake’s house. NO MORE MESSAGES!

That stopped the emails and one by one, the participants entered the kitchen. Doug and Nick were the first to appear. Then the Davis brothers came, then Donovan came with Becky, Al, and Bee.

“Hi Bee! It’s so good to see you,” I exclaimed with a huge hug. “It’s been way too long.”

“I agree! Becky tells me you’re seeing someone?” She looked around and stopped in front of the Davis brothers. “Hmmm…” She did her browsing up and down. “You look too young,” she said of Josh, “You’re too serious,” she swept over Garret. “But you look just right for our lovely Jane.” She actually did a full circle around Max.

“I am just right for this woman,” Max grabbed me and kissed me.

Bee whispered in my ear. “Sexy, hot, and domineering. I approve.”

“Thanks,” I chuckled at her purring in my ear.

“So how are we to form a team with 7 players?” Josh asked. “You need to give us a player so we’ll be even.”

I didn’t like that idea. “Can’t you round up more players? Then it won’t be The Reids vs. The Others if we lend you a Reid.”

Josh had an evil glint in his eyes that made me think I didn’t want to know what he was about to say. “Alright. We’ll just recruit Hannah and Joyce. They can play second and third base, flanking Max at shortstop.”

I gave Josh a damn you look. “You are off my Christmas list.” I whispered. “Alright. Who do you want?”

“Hello, everyone.” The door opened and in walked Laney in a sweet looking dress.

“How was your date?” Doug asked.

“A date?” Josh was bummed and kind of upset. “Why will you go out with everyone but me?”

“Why the hell do you date so much? I don’t get why so many guys ask you out.” It looked like Donovan said this without much thought, but Laney looked hurt initially, then got pissed.

“First of all,” she addressed Doug, “it wasn’t a date. A group of us stayed to finish our project, then went out for a bite to eat. Secondly,” she addressed Josh, “I don’t go out with everyone. And finally,” her voice got louder and more pissed as she addressed each of her accusers, “maybe I date so I can one day have a meaningful relationship rather than just a meeting of the bodies. And what the hell do you care why guys ask me out. If you’re that curious, why don’t you do a Q&A with Josh and see how many times I’ve gone out with him.” Boy, that last sentence slammed both men in one shot. Damn. She was tart when she wanted to be.

With that, Laney stormed out of the kitchen and slammed the door on her way out. Both Donovan and Josh looked like they wanted to go after her, but were in a state of shock and disbelief that our mild-mannered Laney pretty much told them to fuck-off. I loved it. The fiery Reid spirit was alive and well.

“You gonna go after her?” Jake asked his buddy. “It’s only proper you bring her back since you pissed her off.”

Donovan shook his head no. “She may chop off my balls and eat it for a late night snack if I go see her now. Damn! That girl has a temper.”

“All women have tempers, and you tend to provoke Laney without cause.” Emily warned. “Donovan, please bring Laney back. I don’t like seeing her upset. You were both unkind to her.”

“Oh, all right.” Donovan huffed, and went to fetch Laney.

“How come you didn’t ask me to go?” Josh pouted at Emily.

“You can apologize when she gets here.”

While Donovan went to go get Laney, we decided on team names and colors for our uniforms. We only had tomorrow to practice so we each decided on a practice time and place.

“You’re back!” Josh ran over to Laney who walked in pouting. “I’m sorry. You forgive me?” Josh went to hug her, but Laney did a cool duck and weave boxing move and Josh ended up hugging Donovan instead.

“Hello, again, Laney Reid. I see you took off my creation, and changed into sweats.”

“And a beautiful creation it was, Bee! I get compliments on all your masterpieces.” Laney hugged Bee. “How great to see you here. I was happy your nephew included you.”

Bee cracked up. “Yes, my nephew has his good moments at times.”

“Few and far in between,” Laney didn’t even try and disguise those disparaging words.

“How do you know each other?” Nick asked. “And where’s my hello, Bee Taylor?”

“Your hello is still waiting for that phone call.”

What the hell was going on with Bee and all the Reids. How did she know everyone?

“Seriously?” Laney asked Donovan of all people, and Donovan cryptically nodded yes.

Shit! When were these people going to clue me in on what’s going on, and why was I not included in this chain of emails???

“You Taylors don’t follow the norm, do you?” She said to him, again.

“We set the trend,” he answered with a smile and a wink to my cousin.

Laney rolled her eyes. “Are we decided on everything? Can I go home now? I still have a few more things to do for school.”

“We still have the issue of being 2 players short. Let us take a Reid.” Donovan demanded.

“Which Reid? We can’t give you Jake or Nick or even Doug.”

“That depends on whether we’re playing baseball or softball.”

“I think softball would be easier.” Jake made a unilateral decision.

“Then I want Delaney.” He looked at Laney and they both kind of had this weird understanding – that, once again, none of us understood.

Jake spoke, “I thought you’re going away this weekend.”

“Your buddy here is forcing me to stay. I did have a room and a round of golf provided for me in Scottsdale, but a certain someone won’t let me go.” She stuck her tongue out at Donovan.

“I’ll take you there myself.” Donovan said and imitated her look. We all laughed at him.

“Promises, promises,” she muttered and rolled her eyes.

Jake was our spokesperson again. “I guess we’re decided. 9:00 am, Saturday at my parents’ backyard?”

“We’ll all be there.” Donovan spoke for The Others.

Friday flew by and come Saturday morning, Mom and Aunt Babs had created a softball field for us. They brought out the old golf net to use as the backstop, and they also found the old bases we used to use. Dad bought a couple of t-ball sets for the twins to play with, and the two went crazy running around the “field.” They also had no clue what to do with the bat and ball, so instead, Emily would place a plastic ball on the tee, they would bat it with their hands, then they’d run around the tee like they were running the bases. James was the leader and Elizabeth followed his every move. It was precious. Funny thing, by the time people were arriving for the game, the twins were so exhausted, they fell asleep in the EZ-up tent.

“What the hell are The Others wearing?” Nick pointed to everyone not a Reid, who walked into the yard, together.

“Becky.” I called attention to my best friend. “What’s with the outfit?”

“Bee made us all these baseball shirts.”

We, Reids, all wore dark mismatched baseball pants, dark mismatched (again) socks and baseball shirts – you know those white ones with the colored sleeves and neckline, of course in all mismatched dark colors. The (freakin’) Others came in matching grey pants, the same type of white baseball shirts with dark blue trims and each shirt was customized. That damn Bee Taylor (who’s a clothes designer, by the way) sewed numbers, cut out from a cool gray-print fabric, and placed them on the left sleeve of the shirt. Then, the back of their shirts had their names sewn in with the same fabric. On the right sleeve of each shirt, there was a baseball diamond silkscreened on it and each person’s position was colored in. For instance, Max was going to play first base, so she colored in that base for his shirt. And to top it all off, they all had matching visors with the name The Others embroidered on the front. They looked like professional players. Why didn’t I think of doing something like that for my team?

“Shit, Bee. We look like some rag-tag Bad News Bears and you look like the freakin’ New York Yankees.”

“You know my motto. It’s all about how you look.”

“Tell me you don’t all have matching cleats.” I groaned when I saw the Davis brothers walking my way.

“Look at what Donovan got us.” Josh pointed to his flashy blue baseball cleats.

“He bought that for all of you?” Now, I was getting pissed. I never liked being underdressed and today, I was feeling like the homeless.

“He said he had a big name client who offered these to him when he told him about our game.”

“Damn Donovan Taylor! He couldn’t ask his client for a pair for all of us?”

“Why would I do that for the enemy?” Donovan let out an evil laugh. “We have a couple more players now. My dad and Mr. Davis want to play.”

I looked over at Max and he winked. “Really?” I whispered.

He nodded yes and smiled. This day was going to be awesome!

“Then what do we do about Laney?” I wondered since we, too, had gained Uncle Billy. “We all have 9 players each. Now, Laney makes the 10th and she’s outfitted as an Other.”

After much discussion with Jake and Donovan, we decided to each have 9 players on the field and use Laney as the 10th player. Without asking her, it was decided that she would pitch for both teams, since she was really the only one who’s ever pitched as a softballer. When she was told, Laney looked neither happy nor upset. She took one for both teams and accepted her fate. Bee had made a special shirt for her, knowing she would pitch for them. It was a real (pink) baseball Jersey with her name on the back, number and baseball diamond on the sleeves, and a phrase that said, don’t mess with me written in cursive, sewn across her chest. It was perfect for Laney!

Emily helped Jake into his catcher’s gear as The Reids took position in the outfield. Nick played first base, I took second, Doug took third, Uncle Billy took shortstop, Dad was in left field, Uncle Henry in centerfield, and Sam was placed in right field. Gimpy was to be the impartial ump, Mrs. Davis was our scorekeeper, and the moms were the cheering crowd.

First up to bat, Donovan Taylor. Jake walked out to Laney and gave instructions she didn’t like. She kept shaking her head in the negative and at one point laughed hysterically.

“Let’s get the game going before the sun goes down,” he yelled at Jake. Jake walked back to the catcher’s position with a cocky look on his face. “Let’s see what you’ve got, Delaney Reid. I plan to hit a home run off of you.”

And damn, he almost hit a home run on the first pitch. Laney threw a perfect fastball to him and he got a triple off it. Next up was my honey, and shit, he also got a triple off of us. Perhaps Laney was purposely giving them good pitches to put us in the doghouse. I was getting suspicious, but Doug and Josh struck out, Mr. Taylor and Mr. Davis each hit a single, and Bee hit a pop fly and the inning was done with only two runs in.

It was our turn to hit and Donovan was catching for their team. He, too, had a long talk with Laney and she listened to all he droned on about during their time. I think he purposely held his meeting on the mound as long as possible to piss off Jake. For The Others, their outfield line-up consisted of Max, Josh, Garret on the three bases, Al as shortstop, Mr. Taylor in left field, Mr. Davis in centerfield, and Becky and Bee would take turns subbing into right field. We were just as successful at bat, and we were up 4-2 at the end of the first inning.

And so this game continued and at the end of the 6th and last inning, we were up 10-9. There were two out, the tying run on third base and Donovan was up. Jake called a meeting on the mound with his infielders, and I heard him whisper, “Laney, you need to spook Donovan with a fast pitch and try and hit him. The closer you can get to manhood, without actually hitting him, the better.”

“No way, Jake. I can’t control my pitches to that degree and I will NOT be responsible for his posterity.”

“You can do it. Just get close enough to scare him. He won’t swing after that. I promise you. Just try.”

“I don’t know, Jake…”

“You can do it, Laney. It’s all up to you,” her dad came to the mound to encourage her. “Just remember who you are. You are a Reid!”

What a crack-up! She was told in so many words to scare the shit out of Donovan by almost hitting him where it will hurt – badly.

The first pitch Laney threw was a ball and nowhere near his manhood. The second pitch was perfect! It was fast, and Donovan’s body formed an ending parentheses sign as he curved his body away from the ball. Laney quickly turned her body away from Donovan, put her mitt up to her face and giggled. Once she regained her composure, she turned back around and threw another strike, identical to the first one. This one too, was really close to his body. It was a 1-2 count on Donovan.

In a most unconventional move, Donovan called a timeout and walked out to the mound. Jake took off his mask to follow, but Donovan was done with his brief conversation before any of us could get to her. None of us knew what was said, but it rattled her enough to lob two balls. Now we were at full count and as soon as Donovan got himself back in the batter’s box, she caught him unready, threw out another fast pitch, and struck him out.

Donovan was shocked, The Reids were elated and the game was over. We won 10-9!

By the time the game was over, lunch was set up in Jake’s backyard, and the twins were already in their high chair noshing on fried chicken.

“James, Ellie, did you enjoy watching Daddy play?” Jake sat in between his kids and helped them eat. The kids had no clue what my brother was saying, but they smiled brilliantly at him and nodded yes. “Should we go swimming after lunch?” He asked the million-dollar question.

“Yawshhh,” James answered with excitement as his sister yelled, “ME!” That one word was her answer to everything.

“Let’s see which aunt or uncle might take you two in the pool. We have plenty of friends and family members to keep you occupied till dinner.”

“Yawshhh,” James repeated over and over.

“Janey, this was a fantastic idea. Let’s do this every year,” Mr. Taylor said from the other side of the long table.

“I agree,” Uncle Henry raised his lemonade glass, “to my brilliant niece for a spectacular idea, my beautiful and athletic daughter for pitching for both teams, and to all the ladies for coordinating the entire day. Thank you and a job well done!”

“Here, here!” We all cheered.

“Laney,” Mavis Davis surprisingly spoke up in the middle of our lunch, and to my cousin at that. “Why don’t you come sit next to us, and join us for lunch.”

This time Mrs. Taylor spoke up and loudly, “Laney, come join us instead. There’s plenty of room over here.”

There was an interesting tug-of-war going on with the two mothers and my cousin. I could see why Mavis was pushing Josh’s cause, but I didn’t understand why Mrs. Taylor was so interested Laney.

“Ne Ne,” my darling nephew called out and saved Laney’s butt.

Thank you for the invitation, she said to both mothers but I’m going to sit next to James. As soon as Laney sat, both mothers went and pushed their way towards the other end of the table. Jamie Lynn was outright aggressive. Mavis had that passive-aggressive thing going on, pushing her younger son’s cause.

“Go, Mom!” I whispered to my boyfriend. “I guess she’s taken a liking to my cousin?”

“I think she’s taken a liking to you, and figured Laney couldn’t be half bad if she’s related to you.” He gave me a heartwarming smile and a body-tingling kiss. “You did good today. We all had a fantastic time and I’m glad my parents got a chance to hang out with your family. The Reids can be a role model for any family out there.”

“I enjoyed today, too. And I especially enjoyed seeing your parents. It may take some time but I think they’ll come around. How can they not with you three?”

“Who’s ready to swim?” My brother asked.

The kids started jumping up and down in their high chairs. Laney quickly got up and took James and jumped in the pool before any mother could come in with her. Ellie started whining because she hadn’t been picked up yet.

“Who do you want to go into the pool with, my princess?” Jake went fishing and Ellie took the bait. She pointed down the table, but that could’ve been anyone.

“I’ll see you in a bit?” Max said with a quick kiss to my lips. “I’m going to be Ellie’s knight in shining armor.” He hopped over and swooped her out of the high chair. Ellie was in love! But in all honesty, she would’ve been in love with anyone who took her in the pool.

Looking around, I was beyond pleased with myself for getting everyone together. What started out as an outing for the four of us, and has now turned into possibly another family tradition. I guess the question that begs to be asked – will all the Davises continue to be a part of The Others? I sure hoped so.

It cracks me up that you are all bracing for trouble. I told you at the beginning of the month that May’s theme is FUN, so relax and enjoy.

It is like 100 degrees in LA right now and I’m headed to a double-header softball game in this heat. Wishing you all a great week. See you Thursday.

An early dinner – reserved.
Gift – purchased.
Buffer companions – confirmed!

All that was left was to go have one dinner and get everyone on good terms again.

“Are you sure about this? We can still back out, you know.” Max, Garret, and Josh all asked this question in some form during the ride to the restaurant.

“I can’t remember the last time we celebrated Mother’s Day with Mom.” Josh added. “This’ll be really interesting. You have any other previously knocked-up girls showing up to this dinner, Max?”

My boyfriend actually laughed at his brother, even though he poked on a sore spot. “I have nothing else to hide from my girlfriend, anymore. She owns my heart, soul and body, now.”

If Max’s two brothers weren’t in the car with us, I would’ve forced Max to pull over and the car would’ve done a jalopy on the side of the road. But since I couldn’t do that, I just gave him a sinful smile, full of promises for later.

The two brothers rolled their eyes. “Jane,” Garret addressed me, “I can promise you that not once was my brother this sickeningly in love with anyone – not even Emily.”

“Garret,” I addressed him just as seriously, “I don’t think I’ve ever heard such beautiful words.”

I was seriously going to give Max some lovin’ tonight!

“Who’s all coming?” Josh wondered.

“Did you invite Laney?” Garret wondered back.

“Hell no! Why would I scare her off even before she’s decided she’s in love with me?”

“In love with you?” Garret wondered even louder. “Bro’, you can’t even get a date with her.”

Now this was a cute scene where the three brothers joined forces, aiding and abetting. Max began. “Have you used your Davis charm and asked her out? You know she’s leaving soon.”

“I’ve tried, but she’s held me at an arm’s distance. I wish she’d hold me with her long, sexy-ass legs, instead.” The men chuckled. I didn’t know whether to feel offended for Laney, or try aiding and abetting Josh along with my boyfriend.

“How about I set up a double-date as soon as Laney is out of school? I think she’s been quite busy studying for finals, finishing up papers, and setting up home in London. I haven’t seen much of her these days.”

“You’re the bomb, Sis! I knew you’d pull through for me.” Josh kissed me on the cheek. “When Laney gets to know me, she’s bound to fall madly in love with me. Who the hell can resist the Davis charm?”

“Damn right!” Garret added.

“Damn straight!” Max agreed.

The sheer amount of machismo in this car made me laugh.

We revisited that little French bistro where I first met Mr. and Mrs. Davis. Are you all wondering why I still call them Mr. and Mrs.? I have no freakin’ clue what their names are. And no one’s clued me in, plus I suppose I never asked.

“What are your parents’ names?”

The three men howled.

“What the hell’s so funny?”

“Mavis and Davis,” Max spoke between wiping off tears of hilarity.

“Seriously? Mavis Davis and Davis Davis???” I too started tearing from the joke. “Either you’re all pulling my leg or someone above has a sense of humor.”

“Our paternal grandparents had a great sense of humor and thought if Dad had the same first and last name, he’d have an easier time remembering and spelling. Then my grandfather told us that he knew Mom was the one, when her name was only a few spaces down the alphabet chart from Dad’s.” Josh continued the crazy explanation.

“What a hoot. Mavis and Davis…I guess I’ll stick to Mr. and Mrs.”

“Yeah. Good thinking, Babe. I don’t know that they’ll be happy if you brought up their names in the middle of dinner.”

We arrived at the bistro and soon after, my brother, Nick and Evie came one after another. To Josh’s delight – or chagrin? – Laney was with Doug. I couldn’t gauge Josh’s reaction since he beelined to my cousin.

“Josh filled me in somewhat on the Davis details. I thought the more ammo, the better,” my sweet younger brother explained. “Jake and Emily were going to join us as well, but both kids have the sniffles and are cranky. They send good karma in their stead.”

I love my family!

“Hello Jane,” I heard Max’s mom call out from behind.

I whipped around to a solemn face – a face that displayed penance over her past sins. Feeling sorry for her, and being in a brief state of insanity, I gave Mrs. Davis a hug and wished her a Happy Mother’s Day. That hug stopped everyone in their tracks. They all looked over to us. That hug may possibly have been the reason why our evening turned out to be a surprisingly pleasurable one.

The dinner started awkward and everyone broke off into their own conversations, with Mr. and Mrs. Davis keeping quiet. It didn’t go unnoticed in my eyes that they didn’t bring Hannah with them. I don’t know what happened there, but I wasn’t one to complain.

“Have you seen the homes your sons purchased?” I asked both parents in hopes of getting them into the conversation.

They shook their heads no, and judging by the glance Max’s mom gave her sons, it wouldn’t have surprised me if she had no idea that her sons were now home owners.

“We all bought a very small home, not too far from Jane’s parents’ place and we’ll be moving in soon.” Max offered this info by way of apology.

“When do you move in?” Max’s dad asked. “Do you boys need any help? Do you have enough money? Your mother and I are able to help financially if you need it.” This generous offer sounded similar to an apology as well. It made me wonder if instead of emotional love and support, the only way the Davises knew how to support their sons was financially. Perhaps this was their way of showing love.

“We’re all doing well, thanks to Josh and his expertise with the stock market. It’s a very small, starter home and we got a good deal, so we thought it’d make a wise investment.” This was about as loquacious as I’d seen Max get with his parents.

Mr. and Mrs. Davis looked over at Josh and cracked a proud smile. It was weird to see them smile since I had never seen one on their faces before.

“So, does that mean you are staying around for your residency? You’re not moving far away?”

“Though there are no guarantees, I’m pretty sure I’m staying. I’ve been told by Jane’s uncle and brother that if I keep Jane in line, they will consider keeping me at the hospital.” Max actually cracked a joke at the Davis family dinner table, and his parents actually cracked a smile, again! Wonders never ceased.

“Can we come see your new place?” Mr. Davis asked, cautiously.

All three boys looked at one another, not only gauging each other’s reactions but almost expecting Ashton Kutcher to pop out of the restaurant walls to tell them that they were being punked. It was sad on the one hand to see such doubt and vacillation about the sincerity of one’s own parents, but what was happening tonight was progress.

The pause was longer than necessary so I jumped in. “Why don’t we do a drive by tonight, then you can help us on moving day. I don’t think we mentioned that I’m moving in with Max. Your son, in his machismo way, told me that I could bum off of his generosity. I’ll be his ‘little woman.’” I saw a smile bordering on laughter, again! I patted myself on the back.

“I’m glad you’ll be close to Max,” his mother patted my hand. “You’re good for him.”

I whispered, still loudly enough for everyone to hear, “Your eldest has no idea that I can’t cook, I don’t clean, and I also don’t plan to be his ‘little woman.’”

Max’s mom cracked up – and cracked up loudly. “Max has always been quietly aggressive, turned obstinately aggressive, when he doesn’t get what he wants.”

“Oh my gosh!” I agreed, “You are dead-on in that assessment.”

“And Garret has been the doer among the three boys. His dad and I always called him a man of action. He saw, he assessed, he conquered.” There was, once again, that look of pride in both parents’ eyes for all three boys. “And our youngest was the peacemaker. He always supported his brothers, never coveted any of their belongings or accomplishments, but equally matched their success in all ways. We are proud of and lucky to have three boys who practically raised themselves.” I think I may have seen a slight reddening of Mavis Davis’ eyes, but that left as quickly as it came.

Tonight’s understated word – SHOCKING! We all kept quiet, eyeballs roving from person to person, wanting to see if anyone could explain what was going on. Were Max’s parents drunk? Were they playing some sick game? Or were they now realizing that they’d missed out on having a relationship with three fantastic young men? I think and hope it’s the latter.

“Thank you,” were the last words I heard from Davis and Mavis before they got in their car after seeing their boys’ new homes in the dark, from the outside.

“Thank you,” were also the last words I heard from my boyfriend before he curled into me and fell asleep on my bed. Life was working out okay for us. If I had to look at the big picture, characters in the life of Max and Jane were taking shape, becoming clearer and sharper. Like opening night of a play, everybody knew their lines, clothes and makeup were done, and each stood in place, waiting for his or her cue to start. Was this the beginning of my standing ovation, or was I also waiting to be punked?!?

Then you most recently saw our wedding tradition that was started back in our grandfather’s days, where the first man to get married in his generation picks from something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, and buys a present to symbolize this adage. Gimpy’s treasure chest will put new meaning to the word “wedding tradition.”

For Mother’s Day, we have a whole other tradition that hasn’t been practiced in a while, but has been brought back from the grave. This tradition went on hiatus for several years when so many of us were off to college and couldn’t make it back for Mother’s Day. It really needed all of us to be at home in order to accomplish this gag gift.

Let me explain how this one works. Each family comes up with a gag gift for Mom. It could be as simple as a hand drawn portrait of Mom, or as complicated as a treasure hunt that leads nowhere. Before the contest begins, we each put $100 into the pot. It used to be a lot cheaper, but ever since most of us graduated from school and got jobs, the buy-in grew to $100 per person. What, you ask, are we buying into?

The winning family gets to keep all the money. Correction, the winning Mom gets to keep the money. With five families plus Jake’s family, and Gimpy, the pot’s grown to mucho dinero!

We started the festivities on Saturday at Emily and Jake’s home. Mother’s Day was usually held at Uncle Dave and Aunt Deb’s beach house, but with Emily being so big (and yes, overnight she popped and started looking like she was going to give birth today) and with the twins being so…mobile, active, unpredictable – you name it, they did it, Emliy asked to host the event in her backyard. Max and his brothers were invited (NO Hannah), and Donovan and his family were invited. The Taylors have never spent Mother’s Day with us before, but considering it was at Jake’s house, they decided to invite the Taylors as well. Because none of the sisters, but Becky, were coming for Mother’s Day, the Taylors did not join in on our family’s competitive fun.

Brunch was a simple affair in Jake’s backyard with your typical brunch food. Jake and the rest of the family made sure Emily didn’t lift a finger. The food was catered, we all helped set up and clean up, and then most of us dispersed to set up our mothers’ gifts.

“Isn’t this a bit morbid?” Max asked while carrying Mom’s gift to our backyard.

“That’s why it’s a gag gift.” I responded with an evil grin.

“You Reids have a sick sense of humor.”

“Thank you,” Jake, Nick and I answered simultaneously.

“Um…that wasn’t a compliment,” he said with a chuckle, “but whatever. Live in your delusional world.”

“We will and we do!” Jake and I high-fived each other. We knew we had the winning gift.

“How much has the pot grown to, do you know?”

“Well let’s see,” Jake started doing the math. “We alone make $700 since you all insisted I pay double for Mom’s entry and Emi’s entry. Then there’s another $1400 including Roland’s entry.”

“Geez. That $2100! What’s Mom going to do with all that cash?” I wondered aloud. “Maybe she’ll share it with me. There’s a pair of Prada shoes I’ve been eyeing!”

Jake laughed out, “Dream on.”

“What did you do for Emily? It’s not like the kids can do anything on their own.”

“You shall see when the time comes.” He could be so secretive at times.

“Does Emily’s gift have a chance of winning?”

“Nope. I’m not looking to give a gag gift to my wife.” Of course not! “But, it’ll be humorous.”

After reconvening back at Jake’s, we did the grand reveal.

“You guys have no chance against Laney’s brilliant idea.” Josh decided to go help Doug and Laney set up their present.

“I don’t know, little brother. Jane’s idea’s pretty brilliant as well.”

“Why, thank you!” I answered with an appreciative kiss.

“For a response like that, I can kiss your ass some more,” he added, for the enjoyment of no one else but us.

“Why you clever boy, you!”

“Okay!!! Let’s move on from this love fest!” Garret broke us up by walking right in between us.

We started at my house, or better stated, my parents’ house, and all walked up to Gram’s bathroom, which had a huge yellow caution tape X’ing out the door. Gimpy opened the door and we all died laughing at what we saw. They (as in my father and his brothers) had created a throne for Gram to use on a daily basis.

Let me trying to explain to you what the throne looked like. The chair looked like a 12th-century king’s throne chair – think Games of Throne, Robb Stark, House Lannister, Stannis Baratheon, and dragon queen, Daenerys Targaryen, all vying, plotting, killing, to claim this chair that only a King or Queen may sit upon. Well Gram’s chair looked identical to such chairs. It was built around the toilet already in existence, and only when you lifted the seat, could you tell that it was a potty. Perhaps a glorified port-a-potty was a more apt explanation.

“Whose idea was this?” I asked. “Uncle Henry’s?”

“Believe it or not, it was Roland’s. He wanted his bride to know that she was his queen. Watch this,” my uncle Dave explained. “Mom, please pull on the toilet paper roll.”

Gram did as she was asked and a tune of God Save the Queen blared. This was one of the best Mother’s Day gifts we’d seen in a long while!

“Alright. To the next gift…” Uncle Henry declared.

I led everyone to the backyard, and the howling began again. Placed on our grassy land was a grandfather clock-shaped coffin for our dear old mom. You all remember that Mom’s a nut for clocks and she collects them from all over the world? In honor of her clock-mania, we fashioned her coffin to look identical to a grandfather clock. It even had a beautiful Omega-like clock face with a working hour hand, minute hand, and even a second hand. On the grave, we had engraved, “Counting down your mortality, Sandra Jane Reid.”

“You see. Mom loves it,” I whispered to Max.

“I see.” Max didn’t know whether or not to believe Mom’s sincere appreciation for the gift. “You Reids have an oddball sense of humor.”

“That must be why I love you so much, Mr. Davis.” That earned me a slap on the rear end. Of course, we were at the end of the Reid trail, who were off to Jake’s house to view Emily’s gift.

We arrived at Jake’s hallway, and he presented his wife a framed caricature of the twins. An artist had drawn our beautiful Ellie with exaggerated teeth and mouth, huge but gorgeous blue eyes and uncontrolled curls everywhere. She was shown to be yelling the words, “ME! and NO!” Truly, her two favorite words. Even as a caricature, she looked darling.

James was drawn to have a huge forehead, floppy ears and he looked like the road runner, wreaking havoc wherever he’d been. Furniture was turned over, toys were broken, and his sister was in the far background with food on her face from his tornado-like run. It personified him perfectly because that’s all he liked to do these days. RUN!

Then, Jake took us to his office and unveiled an absolutely stunning montage of pictures of his wife. These pictures chronicled their relationship, starting from their second chance in Tokyo, to their wedding, to their honeymoon, her pregnancy, the birth of the twins, life with the twins, and even her pregnancy now. There were a few empty spots, for what I assume was for their new addition in a couple of months.

And finally, we were led to Emily’s favorite room in the house, her sitting room, off their bedroom. Here, Jake had carefully restored old black and whites of Emily’s grandparents, her parents, and Emily, when she was younger, and created a family tree with pictures rather than names. All our immediate family was on there, even Gimpy, and once again, there were several spots open for more babies in the future. Leave it to my brother to get all the women gushing about his wife’s gift. Never in my wildest dreams, growing up right after an annoying, know-it-all, did I ever imagine Jake as the ideal husband. Laney was on the nose about wanting a husband like my brother.

Next, we moved to Uncle Henry’s home where usually we found the most hilarious gift of them all. Uncle Henry was the jokester in the family, and his kids assumed his gregarious personality. When we got there, we were not disappointed.

“Oh, my gosh! Is that what I think it is?” Aunt Babs shouted. “That tub is my favorite place in the house. How am I to take a bath or shower in there with that?!?”

Aunt Babs’ bath curtain for her claw-foot bath tub was changed out to a clear curtain with Uncle Henry’s naked image silkscreened on it. This image ran from the top of the shower curtain along the entire length of it and it was disgustingly hilarious. Praise God that he was holding a hanky just large enough to cover the parts that would’ve grossed us all out from here till the end of time!

“Who the hell came up with this idea? It’s hysterical!” Donovan declared. “I don’t know that I needed this visual of the Chief right after a meal, but it’s a brilliant idea.”

“You haven’t seen brilliant, till you see the inside of the curtain.” Doug opened the curtain and called out, “And now…for the pièce de résistance…the backside!”

When he proclaimed the backside, he wasn’t kidding. The inside of the shower curtain had the same picture but of Uncle Henry’s hairy backside. And this time, there was NO hanky covering the pertinent part. When it didn’t gross us all out, we were dying – almost literally – of laughter. Aunt Babs would see her hubby’s backside every time she stepped in her claw-foot bath.

“I will never, ever use that bath tub, ever again!” Aunt Babs said while flecking off the tears of laughter. “Who came up with this idea?”

“It was both our ideas, but Laney came up with the naked rear end idea.”

“I declare Henry’s ass the winning gift,” Uncle Dave said, even before we went to the other three homes. Everyone agreed with his declaration.

“That was an ingenious idea, little girl. You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?”

“Why thank you, Mr. Taylor. There’s a lot about me you you’ll find surprising, if you care to notice.” Laney beamed.

“Did somebody call me?”

“No, Dad. This little girl insists on calling me Mr. Taylor for some reason. I’ve told her that I feel like my father, but she won’t give it up.”

“What’s wrong with feeling like your father? He’s a very handsome man.”

“He’s my stud, aren’t you, Scottie?”

“Mom,” Donovan pleaded. “Please! Don’t start.”

“Don’t start what, Donny? I was just agreeing with this gorgeous young lady. Which Reid are you?”

I hadn’t seen Mr. and Mrs. Taylor, better known as Scott and Jamie Lynn Taylor, since my dad’s birthday party, where we didn’t even get a chance to speak that night. We used to see them all the time when we were younger.  Though they still live near us, we hardly saw them because they traveled most of the year, visiting their children and grandchildren.

“I’m Laney, daughter of Henry and Barbara.”

“My Gawwwd!” Mrs. Taylor practically hollered in her mix of New York / Italian accent. “Last time I saw you, you were in pigtails. When did you grow up to this?” She motioned her hand up and down Laney’s body. “You’re stunning.”

We all laughed at Jamie Taylor’s animated gestures.

“Mom. Calm down.” Donovan turned to us and explained, “I’m sure you all remember that Mom’s Long Island roots appear whenever she gets excited.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down, Donny. Why can’t you get yourself a young lady like Laney and settle down? You’re the last one, Donny,” she whined to her son. “I want babies, grandchildren like Sandy and Bobby have. Those twins are beautiful. I want grandbabies who will live down the street from me. I’ll move next door to you and babysit every day, Donny.” Mrs. Taylor had both her hands on Donovan’s face and she squeezed his cheeks in varying ways depending upon the degree of her plea. He was immobile to her begging.

“Donny. Listen to your Ma!” Mr. Taylor chimed in.

“Dear God. Not you, too. Both your accents are coming out.”

“Kate’s too old to bring sweet babies into this world. No more Kate, Son. I know she’s sexy. Any man would be blind not to notice.”

“Scottie! How can you talk about another woman being sexy when I’m right next to you?”

“I’m just trying to explain to our son that I understand his attraction towards her. But,” Mr. Taylor turned to Donovan, again, “no more. You’ve had your fun. Now it’s time to get serious. How about one of these Reid girls? There’s plenty of them.” Mr. Taylor looked at us as though he were searching for Captain Crunch cereal in the bread aisle of a grocery store. “What about Janey? I’ve always liked her.”

“Janey is happily taken,” Max answered, placing his arms around me from behind, possessively.

“Okay.” Mr. Taylor just moved on to the next box of cereal. “What about Laney here. You married?”

“No, Sir.”

“What do you think of my son? Isn’t he handsome?”

“I guess he’s alright.” Laney answered nonchalantly. Was she nuts? She couldn’t have been that blind to think Donovan was just alright.

“Alright?” The three Taylors sounded like a harmonized chorus.

“My son is gorgeous!” Mrs. Taylor ardently preached to the choir, especially Laney.

“My son is even better looking than I am,” Mr. Taylor said. “Didn’t you say earlier that I was handsome?”

“I did, Sir.”

Donovan also pushed his own cause. “I was told I was even better looking than Henry Cavill. You know…the new Superman?”

Laney giggled. “Mr. Taylor, I think you look like a mousy Harry Styles.”

“Mousy Harry Styles??? Who, me, or my father?”

“You!” She pointed at Donovan.

“How can you call me mousy? And who the hell is Harry Styles?”

Donovan was getting all huffy-puffy with Laney’s insult. He wouldn’t let Laney off the hook. I took out my phone and pulled up an image of Harry Styles and showed it to Donovan. “Here you go, Monsieur Ratatouille.” Everyone cracked up.

“So if my son’s not good looking enough for you, Laney, then who is?” Mr. Scott Taylor asked with a rascally smile.

“Donovan Taylor is plenty good looking, but I prefer a bit more of a manly look.”

I saw Donovan and his mother about to pass out while the rest of us choked on our laugh. Jake was loving this the most.

“Explain, Delaney Reid!”

“I like the weathered look,” she mused. “You know, the Harley Davidson, beautiful tattoo, five o’clock shadow, mussed-up hair, look. You, Mr. Taylor, look a little too cleaned up. You’re the James Bond at the casino. I prefer the James Bond firing his Walther PPK, all cut up, with dirt on his face. That’s what I prefer.”

Donovan’s face gentled. “You truly are full of surprises. No Prince Charming from Cinderella?”

“Prince Charming from Cinderella with a few tats, riding a Harley.”

“You should,” Max whispered in my ear, “learn to embrace my bike, like Laney.” Then he turned to Laney. “You want a ride on my bike? It’s here. Maybe Josh can take you.”

Laney all of a sudden turned shy. “Maybe next time, Max. It’s a really cool bike. It’s a Switchback, huh?”

“You speak Harley?” Max brightened up as though the manager at the Harley Davidson store offered him a 50% discount on a new bike.

“Some…I considered buying one last year, but Mom wouldn’t let me. She said it was too unladylike. Don’t tell anyone but I’ve saved up money to buy a Harley. You may see me on one when you visit me in London.”

Who on earth was this girl? Wasn’t she the Disney princess who forced all of us to play with dolls, have tea parties and dress up like Barbie princess fools? Where did the motorcycle, tattoo and five o’clock shadows come from, and when the hell did my cousin grow up?

“This is the girl for you, Donny my boy! You need to marry this girl and she can help you get rid of that metrosexual side. Real men don’t take so long picking out their clothes and styling their hair every morning. Ever since he was a child…”

“OK! Pa. Enough, already…”

“What’s all the fun, here? What’s going on?” Mom and Aunt Babs joined our group.

“Babs,” Mrs. Taylor called out in her thick accent, “Whatcha gonna do with all the money your kids earned you?”

“Jamie!” Aunt Babs hugged our guest. “You look phenomenal. How’d you lose so much weight?”

“Pole dancing.”

Donovan spit up his drink and started choking. Laney pounded on his back and Jake positioned himself to give him the Heimlich, but Donovan waved him off.

After making sure her son wasn’t going to die, she continued. “I got a pole in my bedroom and started getting private lessons. My Scottie loves it…”

“Maaaaa!” Donovan pleaded. “I give up. I’m going to the other side of Jake’s yard. I’ll see you before you or I leave.”

“Bye Donnie.” Mrs. Taylor called out. Max and I walked away soon after when the conversation turned a bit too risqué for our taste.

“I love your family.” Max said sadly. I went from sitting on the bench next to himm to sitting on his lap. “I hope I’ll be able to recreate something this magical with my own family.”

“What is your mom doing tomorrow for Mother’s Day?”

He didn’t answer me.

“Tell me you’ve at least offered to stop by the house or take her out for a meal.”

“I’m afraid to see my mother, especially after that last dinner.”

“Max. I know she’s more mommy dearest than June Cleaver, but it’s a day when we celebrate moms. You have to at least see her. Can I call her and invite her to dinner with us tomorrow night?”

“You really want to do that after what she did to you, to us, last time?” He doubted my sincerity and I, too, wondered what the hell I was doing offering to walk back into the lion’s den.

“Yes. I think between you, me, and your brothers, we can have a peaceful meal with your parents.”

“You’re a glutton for punishment.”

“I am…in so many ways…” I added suggestively.

We left the Mother’s Day festivities to create some festivities of our own, across the street in my bedroom.

You want to go out tonight?

Isn’t it a school night?

Yeah…can we not go out on a school night?

No. We can. You gonna pick me up or shall I meet you somewhere?

I’ll pick you up in 20. I have my bike. Wear pants…or not.

See you in 20 and I’ll consider wearing (under) pants…or not.

That would give him something to think about. He he he!

“That was the quickest 20 minutes, ever. You on a different time zone?” I said to the man who hopped off his bike and ran up to me.

“Well, when your girlfriend considers not wearing any underwear, it was worth a speeding ticket to find out whether or not she made the right decision.” He said with a luscious kiss. “Shall we find out?” I had to stop his roaming hands since we were on the sidewalk and any Reid could see our lusty ways.

“Where shall we go eat?”

“Before we eat, I want to show you something. Hop on.”

We got on the bike and rode a few minutes to a more artsy neighborhood near my home.

“Where are we?”

“I’ve been doing a bit of research on my own, and I thought this might be the neighborhood you might want to move into…” He cut his statement short.

“Is there more?”

“…assuming you still wanted to move in with me…?”

Oh my gosh, the uncertainty in his voice and in that statement almost killed me. I’d given him such a hard time the last month – didn’t return many of his calls, gave him the cold shoulder from time to time, purposely avoided him when he came over – that he was scared of me. I was just playing games with him, enjoying the upper hand I had in this relationship. What a total bitch I’d been.

“Max. I’m so sorry for my behavior the last few weeks. I was mad at first, but I shouldn’t have dragged this out for so long. I didn’t mean to make you wonder about my feelings for you. I love you, and I still want to live with you, assuming now that you still want to live with me after my confession.”

“I love you too, Gem.” His smile told me that it was all right in our world, again. “I want you to see how cool this place is, and if we wanted to, it’s large enough for us to…” he stopped himself again. This time, I didn’t ask why he stopped. I enthusiastically walked into the courtyard of the building and inspected the home he was so eager to show me.

“I talked to my financial advisor and…”

I cut off Max’s sentence. “You have a financial advisor?”

“Kind of,” he laughed. “Josh is actually all of our financial advisor. He’s really good with investments. He day trades with his own money. That’s partly how he’s financing a year in Europe without having to get a job.”

“Seriously?”

Max nodded in the affirmative. “He’s been doing it the last six years or so. First he started secretly with his own money, back in high school. Once he successfully doubled his bank account, he showed us what he was doing and offered to do it for all three of us.”

“Do I need to give him my money? It’s just sitting in a savings account earning 1% interest.” I learned something new every day.

“If you like. He’s really good and he’s very careful. I didn’t quite understand how good he was till I went to him the other day and asked about my financial situation.”

Fanfreakin’tastic! Now I had someone who would invest my money, without taking a huge cut.

“Why did you need to talk about your finances? Do you need money? I have money just sitting in the bank doing nothing if you need it. You’re welcome to use whatever you need.”

Whoa! Did I just say all those things? I hoped I didn’t freak out Max, nor hurt his manly feelings. Men were so sensitive about the stupidest things.

“Thanks for the offer, Babe. I’m good.” He answered with a very big smile.

“I mean it. You can use whatever you need.”

“Thank you, Gem. It means a lot to me that you feel that close to me. But really, I’m doing okay. In fact, I’m doing better than okay.”

“So…you’re telling me all this because…”

“Come check out the place and I’ll explain.”

Max was right. The apartment was cooler than cool. They were individual, stand-alone units that had high ceilings, a wide-open floor plan, tons of built-ins and cabinet space and two bedrooms. The two bedrooms were both master suites with master baths and a massive walk-in closet. I knew this place was meant to be when I saw the mini shoe closet in addition to the master closet. I have a thing for shoes, if you haven’t noticed already.

“This place is awesome! How’d you find it?”

“A med school buddy told me his brother just bought a unit, and because this is not the most desirable neighborhood, it’s surprisingly affordable.”

“Alright. So what are you thinking?”

“Garret, Josh and I are each thinking of buying a unit. To cover mortgage, Josh will rent his place out, before he leaves for Europe. Garret and I will live in our units. After a small down, mortgage won’t be much more than our current rent.”

And what of me? The question was on the tip of my tongue but I kept it there. It was all me who had put us in this precarious state.

Max knew my worry and gave me a tender, reassuring kiss. “If you’re okay with my plans, I’d love for you to come live with me.”

Did I bring up the fact that I was hurt he didn’t want to buy something with me?

“Whatcha thinking, Gem?”

“I’m thinking I love the place; it’s close to my family, and it’ll be great to live close to your brothers as well.”

“But?”

I thought about it. Then I thought about it some more. In the end, I just shook my head no and followed Max to the lease/purchase office. Josh and Garret had joined us somewhere during negotiations.

The three Davises decided to hold off a bit longer before buying the units, thinking time may gain them more leverage. We all went to dinner and Josh called out Doug, Nick and Laney.

“So are you going to buy the place?” Laney asked. She seemed to know more about this housing situation than I did. I didn’t realize those two had been talking without my knowledge. Not that Laney needed my permission to talk to Josh. In fact, I applauded her for getting to know him.

“I think we are going to buy it. We like how your whole family lives on a block together. We want to re-create it, on a smaller scale of course.” Josh answered Laney.

“It’s good to see any family having a good relationship. What do your parents think?”

“Well…” Josh stopped talking for a little bit. “My brothers and I have a great relationship, but my parents…whole other story for a whole other time.”

“Okay.” Laney said with a genuine smile. “You don’t have to explain.”

“I’d like to tell you, but I don’t think we have enough time tonight,” Josh chuckled. “One day Laney, you and I will have a long talk.” What Josh just said held a lot of meaning I didn’t think Laney fully understood. “You want to go watch a movie tomorrow night?”

“Um…” she hesitated. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea. I have so much to do before this month is over. I’m graduating soon, I have a lot of schoolwork that still needs to be done, and I need to get my belongings together to move.”

“Why are you so set on moving as soon as possible?” Garret joined in the conversation. That was something I wanted to know as well.

“I… ” She couldn’t finish her thought. “I just want to…there’s really nothing left here for me and I’d like a new start.” There was sadness in Laney’s eyes. I wondered if Donovan was in her heart and mind right now. I hoped she didn’t have a crush on him. After what he said to me the other night, she would be crushed if she knew he had no interest in her.

“Laney, you have so many things here for you. Your family’s here, your friends are here, and I’d like to be here for you as well.” Boy! Josh was laying it all out on the table for her to take…or not. Brave man.

She gave him another genuine smile and answered, “I know. I’m a really lucky girl. I have the best family, wonderful friends, and you are kinder to me than I deserve.”

“Is there a but in there?”

“Nope. It’s getting late and I think I’ll go home now. I need to study for my exams.”

“Can I offer you a ride home?” Josh asked with a downtrodden look.

Laney looked like she was going to refuse him again, but thought better of it. Smart girl. I knew she was always the kindest one out of all of us. “Sure Josh, I’d love a ride home. Thank you.”

The rest of us stayed a lot longer and hung out. I was glad to see my family getting along so well with Max’s family.

“You ready to leave?” Max asked in-between kisses.

“Uh-huh,” I answered in a breathy kind of way.

Max took a super long way home and I loved resting against his back. I tried not to think too much into why Max wouldn’t want to buy a place together. I did my best to shoo away thoughts of him not wanting any permanency with me, or him not catching on to the fact that I was deeply bothered by his action.

“You gonna sleep on my back, again?” I heard his voice reverberating through his back.

“No,” I answered slowly, but got off his bike swiftly.

“What’s the matter?” He put his arms around my waist and pulled me close to him. “You’ve been unusually silent since the house hunt. You’re either unhappy that I chose a place without you, or that I’m purchasing a place without you. Which is it?”

“Which do you think it is?”

“How about if I tell you the answer to both questions, and then you can see if you’re still unhappy with my decision.”

I nodded okay.

“After we got into our fight, I started thinking about us and our situation. And after Josh told me how much money I had left in my account, I agreed with your idea that it was better to purchase than to rent. You were right. It was much smarter, considering mortgage was really no different than my monthly rent. I had just never considered it before.”

I tried to pull back a little, but he held on tight. It was almost as though he was whispering in my ears.

“I talked to Jake and Chief Reid, and asked what my chances were of staying at General Hospital for residency. They laughed and told me they’d only consider my application if I took you off their hands.”

I gave him an appalled look; he gave me an adoring look and expressed his adoration with a deep kiss.

“Once I got my ducks in a row, I started doing my research, and after we found this place I decided this is something I wanted to do on my own. How about if I say this is something I need to do this on my own? As wonderful as your family is, I feel somewhat overwhelmed by your wealth and their generosity. I feel like I can never give you the privilege you are used to in life. Before we establish any permanency between us, I wanted to have my own place, to be my own man, and not to have to rely on you, or the generosity of your family to start us in the next chapter of life. Does that make any sense to you?”

“I guess…”

He gave me an unsatisfactory look, but continued. “And as for the place that I chose, I love the fact that it’s so close to your family. I want you to always be near your family and I, too, want to always be near your family. Plus, I thought you’d dig the extra shoe closet. I knew this place was for us when I saw the home for all your shoes.”

“So…am I to just move in and be a kept woman?”

Max couldn’t stop laughing. “Can you actually be a kept woman? If so, please teach me how to turn you into a submissive girlfriend, and I will wave that magic wand immediately.”

“But I feel like I’m just moving into your life, rather than starting something together.”

“Gem,” I loved the endearment in his voice, and passion in his eyes, “save your money, till we decide that we’d like to be with one another till death do us part. At that time, you can use all your money to help us buy a larger home for that family we’ll create. Until then, help me be the man that I want to be, for me, as well as for you.”

For now, I decided to let this man be the hunter, and I would submit to being the gatherer.

“What’s with the flower arrangement? Max?” Donovan popped by my cubicle to take me to lunch.

“Yep.” I answered happily.

“You still holding a grudge from our tequila night?”

“Yep!” I answered happily, again.

“Damn, Woman! That was like a month ago. Remind me not to get on your bad side.” He let out a hearty chuckle.

“Yep.” I said a third time, still with a smile.

Since our bonding over tequila, Donovan and I had become even better friends. There was still a tiny bit of tension between us, but we were more buddies than anything else, lately.

“Can we eat something other than egg salad?”

“Yep.”

He gave me a funny look, which was still hot on this man, and told me to “cut out the monosyllabic answers.”

“I’ll stop saying ‘yep’ if you tell me what’s going on with you and Kate.”

“Holds a grudge for a month, stubborn, and nosy…and yet I still find her attractive. Why is that?” He asked a rhetorical question.

“Yep,” I said again, laughing.

“Ok, stop with the yep. I’ve ended things for good with Kate.”

Oohhhh! This was juicy info. “Why?”

“She wants marriage, kids, the Jake and Emily life…”

“And???”

“And I want the same…but not with her. I’ve decided to listen to my wise friend and try intimacy with my heart rather than just the body or mind.” He said this while laughing to himself.

“Who?”

“Who what? And stop the damn one word Q&A.”

I looked up from my tacos and gave him a questioning look.

“Please, stop with the damn one word Q&A?” He asked nicely, which made me crack up. “And by the way, that look you just gave me – you should do the whole librarian get-up and try it on Max. That should revive the relationship in no time.”

I died laughing. “Ok, I don’t need you visualizing me in a librarian get-up.”

“Yeah, me neither. I don’t need my body part getting-up unnecessarily, and unfulfillingly.”

“Alrighty! Let’s change the subject ‘cuz now you’re giving me visuals I don’t need. Back to Kate. Who told you to stop lusting and to start loving?”

“A friend.”

“A friend, who?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“Why the secrecy? Why can’t you tell me?” Now I was more than curious.

“I’ll tell you if you tell me who Hannah really is. And don’t give me the same bullshit you’ve been telling your family. I know she’s more than a girl he dated in high school.”

Did I want to do this trading of top secret info? Was it worth it to find out who’s been giving Donovan love advice?

“Well…what’s it gonna be? You gonna put out?”

“Damn it. Stop making everything sexual.”

He laughed. “Do I need to tie you to the chair and force the info from you, come to my own conclusion, or will you put out willingly?” Now he was giving me the suggestive waggle of the eyebrow look.

Part of me died laughing, and part of me was seriously hot and bothered. But I SWEAR, I was thinking of my boyfriend Max! It wasn’t Donovan who was on my mind sexually.

“You first. You spill your beans, then I come forth with my info, if I deem your info is worthy enough.”

“Forget it. I’ll spill only if you promise to come…forth.”

This was a serious case of ROTFLMAO! “Alright! Hannah and Max dated back in high school, he knocked her up, almost married her, then she lost the baby, he was relieved, she was depressed, her parents moved her to Michigan, and now she’s back,” I said all in one breath. “Beat that!” I challenged.

After being bug-eyed briefly (ok, he was still hot even with the bug-eyes), he said, “I kissed your cousin Delaney in her hotel room the night she went missing. That’s where she told me that she had no designs on ‘joining my harem’, and that’s also when she told me that I was ‘with one woman physically, thinking about another woman mentally, but didn’t have the guts to truly love a woman, emotionally.’” He smirked and continued, “By the look on your face and the hole in your mouth, I think I ‘beat that!’”

“You what??? What the fuck???”

“Wow. My story was good enough for an f-bomb? I thought you never said fuck.”

“Well…I do say it…it’s just not in your ears.”

Now he was ROTFLHAO. “We need to stop – unless you’re willing to put out…with me.”

“You are not turning this on me. I want to know about this kiss with Laney. What the hell happened? You kiss her? She kiss you? Is that what you were doing in there the whole time…kissing?”

“Let’s talk about us first.”

“There’s no us, Donovan. I love Max.”

“Let’s be honest with one another.”

“Shit, if we were any more honest with one another than we are now, we’d be Jake and Emily!”

“You ever wonder what it would be like with us?” Hell yes! “You ever want to know if we’d have as good a chemistry as lovers as we do as friends?” OMG. I don’t think I can answer this one even to myself. “Well, I want to know. I want to know what it feels like to make out with you, to make love to you, to make you moan my name. I want to be with you in every physical way and see if that will lead to the emotions Delaney accuses me of not being capable of having. I know I’m being an asshole wondering this about another man’s woman, but honestly, I can’t stop wondering.”

Honestly? I would’ve preferred a lie.